Every year when it comes around I feel the excitement within
me start to bubble and ready to burst at the thought of sitting down and
finally getting to write the novel I’ve always dreamed of writing. It’s the kind
of feeling I never experience during my regular full-time job because to me writing is magical, it's what I love to do and no other job out there has ever come close to it. There is a pull, a need, and a
satisfaction to sit at my desk and just let my imagination run wild with plots, worlds and characters. The desire to explore my
mind and put it all down in writing makes NaNoWriMo always seem magical to me.
And yet, have I ever taken part in this event? Have I ever
written a single word for it?
The answer is a resounding no. Every year for the past
three or more years the simple mention of NaNoWWriMo has my mind reeling with
possibilities. So what’s the problem? What’s the hold-up?
Well for starters the biggest obstacle has always been self-confidence. I
mean who am I kidding? I’m not a writer. I may like writing from time to time
but I’m not one of those people who are confident enough in their writing to
just sit down and type out 50,000 words in a month. Not only that, but my
insecurities led me to believe that if I wasn’t a real writer then what was the
point? Even if I could write 50,000 words over the course of November, what
would I do then? None of it would be good enough no matter how many edits I
went through and I was just setting myself up for more frustration and
disappointment.
Another reason why I never went ahead was simply lack of
time. With a full-time job and other responsibilities I always managed to talk
myself out of participating. NaNoWriMo wasn’t for people with jobs! It was for
students and professional writers only, I kept telling myself. There was no way
people who worked 40-hour weeks or more would ever succeed! I was bound to fail
before I even started writing, so why start at all?
So is it fear? Is it
stupidity? It’s hard to explain. Our self-doubts get in the way of our dreams
all the time. I’ve seen it happen to friends, family and colleagues; we tear
ourselves down before we’ve even given our dreams a try. You don't have time for this, I eventually thought to myself. This is all just a fantasy, it’s not for you. Focus on your work instead. Focus on more important things.
Well writing is important to me. And when NaNoWriMo reared
its head up again this year and people began buzzing about it, all the excitement and anticipation
came back… but so did the self-doubts.
This blog isn’t the story of a girl who overcame her doubts, put
herself out there and wrote the best book there ever was.
This is the story of
a girl, who seriously considered participating in NaNoWriMo, and then realised
it was best to plot and plan beforehand and that writing wasn’t exclusive to
November. Writing can happen on any of the 365 days of the year and
the voices spewing doubts into my mind don’t matter anymore.
If writing is what
I love to do, then what am I waiting for?
So I have started working on my novel.
Have I started
writing it?
No.
Have I started reading about novel-writing and planning for it?
Yes.
I also decided that I needed to start a blog of sorts to keep my
motivation up and write about the struggles I will encounter along the way. I wanted
to share my experience online for anyone who is out there like me dreaming of
writing a book and yet letting their doubts and fears, or their job, get in the
way.
Don’t fear, don’t doubt and don’t procrastinate.
It’s time to write that book!
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